Yin
peek through the clouds

take me to the sky

12:36:00 am

6:22:00 am .


yes, it's 6++ in the morning and i just got home from uni.

yes, i'm boggled with financial accounting theory and practice. and tax. and finance law. and strategic management accounting. but it's going to be over very soon. 3 weeks. oh yes.

yes damien is sweet but no i'm not his girlfriend, yet.

no, i am not in love. i am, but in love with the concept of falling in love.

yes, i do miss u juney. i really really do.

yes, i'm looking forward to the 2weeks+ in singapore. soon.

yes, we're going to have a party. parties.

yes, i'm graduating.

yes, i have a job.

yes, i want to fall in love. but no, i have not met anyone suitable yet. someday.

yes, i'm still thinking about you. like that time we went swimming with han & alvin & steph. and that time we went clubbing with han & alvin. and the countless times we went to the jetty. and the times, just being together.

No. i will never go back to you.

1:47:00 am

Dear Yin,

For strange reasons, I find myself drawn to you. Initially your looks but as I try to decipher you more, I realised that you are more than just another pretty face. Especially when I managed to cajole you to do your happy dance without the slightest hint of embarrassment, that’s when u got me- Line, hook and sinker. All I really wanted all this while was someone without inhibitions, someone simple yet someone who is at the same time not a bimbo. I see these all in you.

And when you told me that you were a high maintenance girlfriend who needs time, care and concern. I smiled within my heart because I knew that was what I wanted too and it was just deja vu. I was sold the idea that if you asked that of your partner, surely you would be able return the same expectations.

But that was not all. When I saw you smile, I wanted to see it again. It was warm. Genuine. Not forced. And I try to tease you repeatedly to see that grin upon ur face and I was conscious of myself making that extra effort which a selfish person like me will almost never do. That was how I knew I was attracted to you. To be in a relationship may not give me the right to do so only but I do know that I would be that special someone who can be able to be unconscious of trying to be the special someone who puts the smile on your face in the morning and the one who puts that same smile upon your face before you sleep.

Perhaps you think of me as being the player who breaks a thousand hearts. Smooth. Eloquent. But trust me I am not. Smooth only because I wanted to talk to you, to get ur attention. To continue the conversation just for a while longer. And no I do not sweet-talk girls contrary to what you think of me. Chiefly because I do not feel drawn to them and I do not see the point in doing so. You asked me for the reasons why you should give it a shot and why it would work out.

Well to give it a shot or not is not for me to give you reasons for. It’s only you who can make this choice of your own. It is your will; it is what you really want.

But if you were to ask me why it would work out, I will tell you I will put in effort in this. I will spare the time and effort to make it all work out. I will romance you and court you. Not just think of you as an object of pent up adolescent lust but try to make you feel special. To make you feel it matters and something to look forward to. Not to give you empty promises anymore, not to hurt you and to be faithful to you and show all these are possible. That a relationship can be different and the stuff made of dreams. I ask you now then will you allow me to do all these? To make it different somehow-This time? Make it a "we" thing and not a "you" or "me" thing?

Sincerely yours.

Damien

sigh.

9:40:00 pm




8:56:00 pm
when going gets tough, and you have love like that, you smile and remember, and the tough gets going.


10:00:00 am


drunk, i headed down to the city after my last day at work to meet with the usual suspects. and they decided to go fishing after dinner at etros @ kings st. so fishing we did.

i like fishing. the concept of not being in control at what you're going to get in return. and who says you have to get anything in return? it doesn't matter anymore.

i like this kind of waiting. some kinds of waiting i rather not have, but the kind you get when you're fishing, that's some nice waiting.

4:12:00 am assistant accountants alcoholic anonymous; yin + tracy + louisei 'm going to miss them; sweet bunch of girls they are.tracy o; my mentor & the sweetest thing. let's work hard togetz and graduate from the friggin uni!
louise got herself a new pair of boots; damn.

i quit my job at RMG accounting; certainly learnt alot and that was my main objective there. but i drank myself silly before 7pm last night. so, that's how you feel when you lose your job. welcome to the real world reject. hello cold cruel world.

to make myself feel better, it is only 4weeks to the final examinations in my undergrad life so the extra "time" on hand is definitely a plus. but i'm afraid, just afraid. what if i won't be able to get a decent job after examinations? oh no, what have i done. what have i done.

11:36:00 pm
Rule of the game: each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

Ballet Lessons
1. i used to take ballet lessons when i was 6 and was the fattest kid in class. even the parents who came to view the graduating ceremony pointed and giggled at me. but i managed to get out of the classes by complaining that my legs hurt when i was 8. and then i got stuck with computer classes. bleh.

Lies
2. i lied when i was 14 to my secondary school friends that i was visiting my auntie in a HDB flat when i was actually going over to take care of my mum who was renting a room after the divorce. it was hell.

Alarm Clock
3. i still remember, at 8 and being sick of getting up at 6am to go to school; i threw my ringing alarm clock into the toliet bowl; and try unsuccessfully to flush down the noise and the alarm clock. it looked like an egg.

MSN
4. i will appear offline on msn. opps. aiyah, not i don't want to talk, is no time to talk laaaaa.

First kiss
5. i remember giving my first kiss to wilson (the ex) at age 15 and tearing after because i was scared sh*tless. it was for his 18th birthday present but after that my daddy came to pick me up from his place with my uncle and i blushed the whole ride home.

Oreos
6. i eat oreos cookies with peanut butter. got inspired from the parent trap. such a teenybopper i know i know, so sue me.

Suicide
7. i tried to kill myself recently by swerving my car towards the oncoming traffic but turned back in time because i remembered i've got assignments to do. it was not as scary as people make it to be though.

Happy Dance
8. i engage in happy dance when i think i'm solo. but hilarity ensues. there's this time my nieghbour caught me doing the happy dance; i walked another route for 2 weeks thereafter.

Ok
9. i say 'ok' and 'yes' all the time even when i don't want to. my daddy always says i should learn to say "no". ok.

Mirror
10. i scare myself in the mirror sometimes. it's like, i jump when i see my reflection thinking it's someone else. quite funny sometimes, but most of the time freaky. don't laugh, u do it too sometimes right.

i tag: misty, tiffy, jeanie, and three other people who reads this blog of mine. which i hardly doubt there are any hur hur.

1:25:00 am i just want things to be the way they were. yes, when there was just you and me. my love. soon.